


Feeling So Unholy

by Nanashi Jones (miaoujones)



Series: Dummy [3]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Dream Sex, Exhibitionism, Fingering, Friendship, Fucking, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Orgasm Control, Threesome, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-09
Updated: 2007-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-19 05:49:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/880164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miaoujones/pseuds/Nanashi%20Jones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I can come for you now, if you want."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feeling So Unholy

**Author's Note:**

> The title is taken from lyrics to Portishead's "Numb."

Renji comes awake suddenly, unsure what has roused him, disoriented. In the instant of awakening, he knows even with his eyes still closed that he is not in his own bed. In the next, he knows that he is not alone. 

And then he remembers: he is at Kira's. They never went home last night, him and Shuuhei. Renji slits open his eyes. It's dark, so he figures it must be the middle of the night still. He blinks open more fully and now he can see well enough to know he's facing the wall. So he rolls over, and now he can see them:

Kira is lying on his back. Shuuhei is lying above him. It is not some awkward position they have fallen into on an overcrowded sleeping mat: they are not sleeping. And they are not awkward. They are moving in synchronicity. It is their movement, Renji realizes, that woke him. 

He stays on his side for a while and watches them fuck. Then Shuuhei kneels back on his heels, dragging Kira into his lap by the hips while leaving his body stretched out. As Shuuhei continues fucking him in this new position, Renji sees that Kira is hard but, just as earlier, not touching himself. This time Shuuhei isn't touching him, either. With each of Shuuhei's thrusts, Kira's cock slaps soundlessly against his belly. Kira stretches out more, hands twisted to hold his own wrists on the floor above his head.

Renji follows Kira's gaze to Shuuhei's face. But shadows enfolded Shuuhei when he sat back, so Renji returns his gaze to Kira. He wonders if Kira has different light from his angle or if he is just gazing into the dark, like having your eyes closed even when they're open. 

Kira's cock keeps slapping helplessly. Renji reaches for it. He hears his name and looks at Kira as he starts to wrap his fingers around; he hears his name again but Kira's lips aren't moving. Renji glances towards Shuuhei but he knows the voice is Kira's. He hears it again— 

And he opens his eyes. It's not the middle of the night; day has broken, sunlight tripping in through the window.

"Renji?" Kira's voice says again and Renji turns to look at him. Kira is sitting up beside him, looking at him with concern. "Are you all right? You were making sounds, I thought you were having a nightmare—"

"Yeah." Renji steps on the end of the sentence, even though he doesn't know where it might have gone from there. Maybe because he didn't know. "I mean, no," he says, because Kira is still looking at him, the concern in his eyes increased, "it wasn't a nightmare. And yeah, I'm okay." When he shifts, he realizes his irritability is from an unrelieved erection. He stops and rolls back onto his stomach.

But Kira is still looking at him and now there's a little something else mixed in with the concern. Hurt, maybe. Or, hurt is probably too strong, but something like that. Renji doesn't like to see him like that but at least Kira's not smiling. 

Kira opens his mouth but then shuts it again without saying anything. And so it's left to Shuuhei to ask, "What was it, then?"

"Dream," Renji says tersely. "Just a dream."

Kira nods, though Renji isn't sure he really understands. On the other hand, he's sure that Shuuhei does. Especially when Shuuhei asks, with an unconvincing innocence to his cocked brow, "What kind of dream?"

Renji knows Shuuhei well enough to know that Shuuhei isn't going to let it go until he has made Renji confess, and had a good long laugh at him. And it's not like Renji can just walk away, because if he gets up he'll only give himself away. He knows from experience that the longer he evades, the worse it is when it comes out, no matter what "it" happens to be. So with a groan, he buries his face in the pillow and says, "Sex dream."

"Sex dream? About Rukia?" Shuuhei pursues and Renji turns from the pillow just enough to shoot him a one-eyed glare. 

"No."

"Really?" Shuuhei's brow arches up again and Renji wonders if he ought to tell Shuuhei he needs more practice in the mirror if he really wants to pull that look off. "Then who?" When Renji fails to express an inclination to respond, Shuuhei tries a solicitous approach: "Come on, don't hold out on us. I could use a little something this morning, if you catch me." He cups himself meaningfully and Renji realizes that Shuuhei is more than half-hard himself. He realizes too that he could have just chalked this all up to a normal morning erection and left it at that, if he'd only thought of it. He feels like he has been tricked, though it was at least as much by his own conscience as by Shuuhei.

Propping up on his elbows, Renji ducks his head to rub the back of his neck with one hand. "It was about you," he says. He could lie, except that he's a piss-poor liar and he'd only make it look like he was trying to hide something. "Both of you," he tells them. "Dreamt I woke up and you were fucking next to me." 

Shuuhei doesn't miss a beat. "Did you look away?"

Renji didn't then but he does now. "No."

This too Shuuhei takes in stride. "So you watched us?"

Heat rushes Renji's face and he would like nothing more right now than not to have this conversation. But a good share of his blood is still loitering in his cock and, all things considered, he would rather not get up. "Yeah." He watches dust motes gambol in the stream of sunlight slanting across the floor.

"Were we fucking like animals?" Shuuhei continues the interrogation. "Rough and tumble, hard and fast?"

Renji shakes his head. "Slow," he says, though isn't sure if that was really the dream or just the way he's seeing it in his head now. "Slow and thorough."

"Did you touch yourself?" When Renji shakes his head again, Shuuhei asks, "Did you join in?"

"Sort of." Renji goes to trap one of the frolicking motes but it's like to trying to catch sunlight itself. "Kira was." He stops, and restarts the sentence: "I reached over for Kira to jerk him off while you were fucking him."

"Was he on all fours?"

"On his back." And before Shuuhei has to prompt him, Renji supplies the details of Shuuhei's position as well: "You were over him. Inside him." Renji inhales, wondering how many dust motes he's just caught in his lungs, wondering if any sunshine got in there too. "Then you sat back and left him on his back, sort of pulled him into your lap. You kept fucking him. He had his feet on the floor, fucking himself on your cock like that. But he wasn't touching himself." Renji shifts but doesn't turn. "That's when I reached for him."

Shuuhei is relentless. "Did you make him come?"

Renji's erection is as relentless as Shuuhei. Wanting to be rid of both of them, Renji looks over for the first time as he shakes his head again—and sees that Shuuhei is not mocking him anymore; he isn't even smiling. What he's doing is lazily stroking himself. Renji drags his eyes away before he gets too caught up in the rhythm of Shuuhei's hand, and remembers what he was going to say. "That's when I woke up."

"Did you like it?" Shuuhei's voice has dropped, deeper as well as quieter. The arch of his brow is gone; the only teasing he is doing now is with his fingers on his own body.

Renji swallows and nods. He dares a glance to see Kira's reaction to all this. 

Kira averts his eyes when Renji looks at him. He isn't smiling either, not even a little bit. "Did you like hearing about it?" Shuuhei asks now, touching Kira's shoulder. Kira nods but doesn't look up until Shuuhei asks, "Do you want that?"

Kira holds just long enough to read Shuuhei's eyes before dropping his own again. "Yes," he says softly.

Shuuhei looks across Kira to Renji and mouths 'ok?' Renji blinks and then feels himself nod. He wonders if he knew this was going to happen when he started telling them about the dream. He doesn't think he did but he doesn't feel entirely surprised by this. It's like this is a dream. Like he never woke up. But if it were a dream, wouldn't his awareness of it bring him out of it? And besides, his cock didn't ache like this in the dream.

Shuuhei is asking if Kira has anything they can use; with a nod, Kira gets up. "Hey," Shuuhei reaches across the now empty space to touch Renji's arm and Renji shifts his gaze from Kira's naked back to Shuuhei. "Are you really okay with this?" 

Renji doesn't know what to do with the question, so he just turns it around on Shuuhei: "Are you?" 

Shuuhei nods but doesn't have a chance to say anything more because Kira is back. He kneels as he hands Shuuhei a small jar. "Come here," Shuuhei says and Kira shifts closer, and then without further prompting lies on his back, legs spread. Shuuhei kneels between them, scoops two fingers into the jar, puts one hand on Kira's thigh to cant him open wider, and begins rubbing his slicked fingertips in circles between Kira's legs. Renji can't see where Shuuhei is touching exactly but he can guess. 

Kira makes a soft choking sound in his throat and spreads his legs a little wider still, bends his legs to put his feet flat on the floor, pushing his hips up. "It's been a while?" Shuuhei asks, brushing the fall of hair away from Kira's face with one hand as the fingers of the other continue moving. Kira keeps his eyes on Shuuhei as he nods. "We'll go slow," Shuuhei says.

Kira's reply is so low Renji almost misses it. "You don't have to."

"We'll go slow," Shuuhei says again, and this time Kira grazes his lip with his teeth and nods. Shuuhei dips into the jar again, again presses his fingers between Kira's legs. "Spread a little wider for me," he coaxes and Renji guesses by the way Kira arches, by the slurred inhale of breath, that Shuuhei has pushed a finger or two inside him. He also guesses that he is the only one here who has never fucked or been fucked by another guy in the ass. He probably should have figured that out from last night. He feels a flush of heat at his own stupidity.

Then Shuuhei starts to turn Kira on his side facing Renji. Kira looks back over his shoulder. "Shouldn't we stay like that?" he asks, then turns to look at Renji for confirmation: "Wasn't I on my back?" 

Renji nods but Shuuhei is already saying, "It's okay. That was just a dream. Let's do it like this." 

With another glance at Renji, Kira goes pliant in Shuuhei's hands and lets Shuuhei position him. He lies on his side, the hair that normally covers his face slanting free, one arm tucked beneath his head, the other reaching to brace his thigh in the air. 

"Come here," Shuuhei says to Renji. "Help him hold open for me." When Renji moves closer, Shuuhei hooks Kira's leg over his hip. Their cocks brush against each other casually and Renji jerks back reflexively; feeling Kira's leg slide on his hip, Renji reaches back instinctively to catch it at the ankle. Shuuhei gives them a moment to reposition themselves comfortably before he resumes fingering and stretching Kira. 

Renji's hand slides from Kira's ankle up to his knee where it hooks over his hip. Then, needing to brace as Kira moves to Shuuhei's touch, Renji reaches for Kira's hip. After a moment, Kira's hand joins his, fingers dovetailing though not entwining. Renji looks at their hands together on Kira's bare skin, skin so pale even in the morning sun. 

Something dark catches at the corner of Renji's vision and he turns to look at it: deepening purple and sickly yellow-green marks are staining Kira's wrist. Thumb-sized marks. The size of Renji's own thumb, he realizes, his fingers. He did this, must have done it last night. The colors sink into his belly and twist there. He slips his hand out from under Kira's but only hovers over Kira's wrist. 

"You can touch them." 

Renji's eyes jerk up to Kira's. "You can touch them," Kira says again, "your marks." His lashes flutter and he wets his lips as Shuuhei's fingers do something inside him that Renji can't see.

"I'm sorry." Renji says sincerely, a little lost. "I didn't realize… I didn't mean to do that to you."

Kira looks at him through fluttering lashes, then yields to the flutter. As his lids fall shut, he wets his lips again and this time brings his hand to his mouth. He presses his lips to his inner wrist, parts them to soothe his tongue over the bruises there, lips closing and then parting, another flash of tongue, a flash of teeth in the kiss.

Renji pulls Kira's wrist from his mouth. The sound Kira makes this time is not from Shuuhei's fingers but from Renji's. He looks at his hand, matching up almost perfectly with the marks on Kira's skin. He didn't mean to be so rough, then or now. Relaxing his hold, he bends his head to place a kiss of his own on the bruises. 

Kira inhales raggedly, lets his breath out again. His tongue flicks with the next breath, the tip just pushing against the inside of his upper lip, not quite moistening it. Kira whimpers and shifts, his leg hiking up higher, to Renji's waist. Opening himself more. Renji realizes Shuuhei is not just stretching him but fingerfucking Kira now. 

Then Kira's eyes close and his mouth opens for a deeper breath and for more than breath, and Renji knows Shuuhei has found Kira's prostate. He thinks about telling Kira that his eyes were open in the dream but Shuuhei is right, it _was_ just a dream. And anyhow, Kira might be using this for his own memoried fantasy. Which, if Renji has understood correctly, means that Shuuhei is Aizen and he himself is probably Ichimaru.

It's not clear what role Ichimaru actually played in reality, so Renji isn't sure what to do now. Shuuhei solves this for him (as, Renji imagines, Aizen used to do) by reaching around to align Renji's and Kira's cocks. He has Renji hold them at the base, then twines his own fingers with Kira's and brings them to flirt with their cockheads.

Renji has never touched another man's cock before. He doesn't move on it, he just holds it with his hand; holds it with his cock, the two of them stretching his grasp. It's familiar, and it's strange. The familiarity flutters queerly in his belly. But it's not strange just because it's familiar. And it's not strange just because it's new. It's strange because—it's strange because it just is. The strangeness twines with the familiarity, the flutters calming and coiling to rest.

He holds Kira's cock with his own but, the way they are right now, it's hard to tell what the differences between their cocks are, other than size. He's sure there are differences, though. Like texture. Patterns of veins. Matsumoto once said it was like fingerprints, no two guys identical. The subject got changed pretty quick after that and now Renji wonders if it's true or if it was something she made up.

A tug on his cock draws him back into the moment. As Kira starts stroking their lengths, the friction from his hand and from their cocks rubbing together makes Renji shiver hot; the shivers and heat seep into him, thrilling beneath his skin, rousing the coils in his belly. He watches Kira's hand in fascination, then closes his eyes just to feel, to sink into shiver and thrill—but not into darkness, the sun still bright on the other side of his eyelids.

The tightening of Kira's fingers around his cock and the slide of Kira's thigh over his hip tell him when Shuuhei finally enters Kira.

Shuuhei holds still. His waits for Renji's eyes to meet his over Kira's body; and then he starts moving.

Renji watches Kira's face, contortions of pleasure flickering across it as he gets fucked by Shuuhei. Kira's hand moves on their cocks, swift and sure and fucking sweet. With a flash of inspiration, Renji reaches for Kira's balls. Kira's hips roll when Renji gives a little tug, the way he likes to do when he's getting himself off. He brushes his thumb over the soft skin, mindful not to bruise, not allowing himself to wonder if Kira wants to be bruised here; as soon as the thought tries to enter his head, he moves back up to their cocks, wraps around again and this time slides up to meet Kira's downstroke.

Then Kira's eyes come open and for several strokes they're looking into each other's eyes. And then Kira says, "If you come up here, I'll suck your cock for you."

Kira's words make Renji's cock jump and throb a little harder. This, he realizes, must have been Ichimaru's role. He wonders if Ichimaru jumped and throbbed at these words. His own throbbing yields to another sensation, low and sick in his belly. 

Renji swallows. He thinks he should do this for Kira, let Kira close his eyes and suck Ichimaru's cock again. Kira is already nudging Renji's fingers off their cocks, encouraging Renji to let go too and come up to his mouth, his smiling mouth—

Renji reasserts his hold on Kira's cock, pushing aside and ignoring his own. He gives Kira a couple of strokes, sliding his fist up to the head; he'd like to close over it but he won't risk Kira popping free. Instead, he flicks his thumb across; does it again, this time scraping the blunt of his nail over the tip; and again, until Kira loses his smile openmouthed. Then with a smile of his own, Renji resumes stroking in earnest. It occurs to him that Ichimaru must have done this—must have smiled himself after wiping away Kira's with a stroke or two of his hand. Renji stops smiling, and stops thinking about Ichimaru, and concentrates on Kira.

Kira raises his hand to his mouth and Renji wonders if he'll have to let go of Kira's cock to stop Kira from kissing his ruined skin again. But Kira only spits into his palm, and then his hand is back on Renji. Renji misses the friction and texture of their cocks pressing and sliding together, but _fuck_ , Kira's hand is sweet. 

He lets go of Kira for only as long as it takes to return the courtesy of spit-slick friction. As Renji starts stroking Kira off again, Kira stretches Renji's foreskin up over the head, not just sliding it but stroking with it, like Kira's fucking Renji's cock with Renji's own foreskin, and Renji has the strange experience of fluttering, himself. He opens his eyes again:

Kira's lips are moving, fragment of a phrase Renji can't catch. The words are mute, and bleeding. As Renji watches, Kira's teeth cut through the silent words to bite himself again. 

He lets go of Kira's cock to wipe at the blood and it smears thinly on Kira's skin. Then Renji pushes his thumb in to separate teeth from lip, and feels Kira close around him, twirling and licking and sucking, not like a kiss but maybe like the way he'd suck Ichimaru's cock. Renji replaces his thumb with his tongue, curling his hand around Kira's cock again as he licks Kira's lips, licks inside his mouth, and oh, Kira's mouth is sweet, as sweet as his hand, yeah, as sweet as anything…

Renji comes without even knowing he was close. He breaks the kiss to ask if Kira is close but Kira only kisses him again. Shuuhei hasn't come yet, he's still thrusting into Kira; Renji can feel it in the way Kira moves against him, the way Kira's tongue moves in his mouth, he can feel it in the texture of the kiss.

When the kiss breaks this time, Renji looks over Kira's shoulder to Shuuhei. Their eyes meet. Without a word, Shuuhei reaches around, grazing Renji's belly as he joins Renji on Kira's cock, both of them stroking him off. 

"Izuru," Shuuhei says at his ear, "I'm going to flip you onto your back now." Kira turns his face to Shuuhei. "Would you like that?" Letting himself be held in Shuuhei's gaze, Kira nods; Renji wonders if he is thinking about Renji's dream as he smiles. "Will you come if we do that?" Shuuhei asks.

Kira takes longer to answer this time. He glances from Shuuhei to Renji and back. Then: "I can come for you now, if you want."

"Yeah?"

Kira nods and Shuuhei says, "Show us." He pulls out and Kira whimpers at the loss. Or maybe, Renji thinks, at the command. Kira settles on his back and spreads his legs for Shuuhei, who kneels between them. And it's close, it's so close to Renji's dream—except that instead of stretching his arms overhead and grasping his own wrists, Kira reaches down to grasp his own cock and starts stroking himself; and instead of taking him by the hips and pushing into him, Shuuhei takes his own cock in hand and starts stroking off too. 

Hand on his own softened cock, Renji looks from one to the other, their hands starting to blur on their cocks. "Come," Shuuhei says; "come for us now." Renji's eyes go from Kira's cock to his face; he sees the orgasm there in the flutter and sweep of lashes, in the gorgeous distortions, the lingering smear of blood stretching as Kira's mouth does. Renji looks down to see Kira's orgasm spurting onto his belly, reaching up to his chest; Kira's orgasm is joined by Shuuhei's, splatters and viscous ropes spilling onto Kira's body, pooling and mixing with Kira's come. 

Then Renji joins them, not in orgasm but in a kiss, licking their come from Kira's skin; sweet; so damned, fucking sweet.

As he opens his eyes, he almost expects to see that it really is the middle of the night. 

He looks at Kira. 

Kira's eyes are closed, sunlight slanting across his smile.


End file.
